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Just as I was about to slip away, a small sliver of light broke through the darkness. The light was a woman, a woman I have known all my life. Lexie as we all called her had a lifelong best friend. Jenna appears at my side on the bench, with a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I look up to her eyes and it is obvious she knows what’s happened. ‘Want to talk about it?’ I shook my head no and turned back to looking at the ground. I didn’t want to talk about anything right now. I just wanted the pain to go away. When a part of your life is ripped from you violently like a break up from a three year relationship, the mind makes the pain real. Its part of the reason the hole can swallow you up. The pain weakens you so you don’t fight as hard as you normally would. ‘You might feel better if you talk about it.’ She was being so nice and trying to help me. ‘Sorry I don’t feel like talking. I just want this feeling to go away. I want her back but she doesn’t want me. Do you know what that. I picked up a box, and fled down the stairs. When I came back into the kitchen, she was standing at the table fixing a pithcher and glasses on a tray. She was wearing a long black robe,barefoot. "You carry this...I need to get my cigarettes and I'll join you outside," she said. I could see she was still wearing the white bra, but wondered if she had a panty on. We sat outside on a blanket, drank lemonade, and talked for almost three hours. I became aware of the odd sensation that I was slurring my words a bit, and feeling somewhat dizzy, but not uncomfortably so. Our conversation turned personal, to discussions of relationships, romance, and tastes. "Do older women appeal to you?", she asked. I told her yes, and she replied that she had noticed how I looked at her in the pink dress the previous day, and how I rather thoroughly checked out the outfit she wore that morning. "Oh, and by the way, I wish I had a camera to capture the look on your face when you saw my bra on the bed.
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